The Summer Update

As the first winds of fall finally trickle into the deep south, I am reminded to finally post the summer update. It’s about kids, dogs, the Jesuit identity and, por supuesto, mi Diosito. {of course, God}

            For me, the big event of the summer was the Big-O, orientation for my class of international Jesuit volunteers. On that day, my journal entry started…

“July 8. This date has been on my calendar for a long time. The flight I’m sitting in has been booked for a long time. And yet the past couple days I’ve been nervous laughing that I am so ill-prepared to go to orientation. I pictured myself as the most copada {cool} girl around going into orientation… But I’m just scraping by. I’m doing by best, and most of the time I’ve been feeling like my best isn’t good enough. Which concerns me because I’m about to meet this insanely impressive group of volunteers… So I’m not going to orientation super copada. I’m going messed up, under-prepared, tired and broken… I’m going vulnerable. I’m coming as I am y solamente, exactamente mi. Not a perfected me. Just me. And I’m going to ask this insanely impressive group of people to love me for me anyway. God help me.”

I arrived to Scranton, Pennsylvania with this image of a Jesuit volunteer- someone cool, adventurous, worldly, sage-like, reflective, just, intelligent, kind, fun, most likely with dreadlocks... And when I pictured myself as a Jesuit volunteer, I saw my perfected self. Without even realizing it, I had developed an expectation for the type of person I would become over the next two years. Pretty bold, right? Even bolder? Somehow I developed an idea of the type of person I would live in community with for the next two years. Yikes.

Then I met my “classmates.” In encountering and growing alongside my new JVC family, I quickly learned that there is no singular JV identity. Some JVs are cool. Some take selfies on iPads. Some know a shocking number of musical soundtracks. Not all JVs have “adventure sandals,” but I believe all seriously enjoy ice cream, volleyball and just dance. We come from a host of different cities, experiences, communities and spiritualties. We all have graces to share and much to learn. Learning alongside my tribe, I have never been more humbled and honored. I am humbled to learn from my peers like never before. I am honored to be included in this band of rockstars- to be counted among the most passionate and compassionate people I have ever met.

No, I did not feel prepared for the Big-O. I did not feel the sense of balance and peace I so often saw in former Jesuit volunteers. Honestly, I could barely keep track of the mailers JVC sent me over the previous months. And my departure date felt (and sometimes still feels) so far away. My mind felt inattentive, scattered and unintentional; my mind was nowhere near Peru. But the more I thought about it, I realized that I had been practicing life as a Jesuit volunteer all summer. And that is because I spent the majority of my time with kids and dogs. I had this image that my time between graduation and departure would be filled with self-care. I wanted to be physically, spiritually and psychologically AWESOME going into orientation and my two years in the field. I wanted to be this image I had of a Jesuit volunteer. (Which, to review, does not exist.) But instead of learning Spanish, how to play the guitar, marathon training and becoming a master yogi, I spent a lot of time with kids and dogs. It wasn’t until orientation that I realized that 

I was being present all along. To the kids and dogs. (Well, mostly the kids. I could have been better to the dogs. Sorry dogs.) I watched two of the greatest tiny humans around this summer, my two-year-old cousin and his (at the time) seven-month-old sister. No matter what I had going on, when I was at work those kids had my attention. I kept track of their schedules. I watched them play. I was always doing one thing at a time: focusing on those kids. Which you would never guess considering I was often literally holding, juggling multiple things, often including a child. I was prayerfully, present and attentive. Even the tiniest of humans (and dogs) know when you are fully present.

This was a new experience for me. I knew what it felt like to be present, to be engaged, plugged into life. I knew what it felt like to show up. To find God in all things. Pick your tagline. During college I learned how to be present to my life. In a summer of parenting I learned how to be present for others. And in doing so, I discovered a capacity for love and service I didn’t know that I possess. That is what makes me a Jesuit volunteer.

Paz,
Maddie