Vulnerability Part 1

C.S. Lewis wrote that to love is to be vulnerable.

I have no idea where he wrote it. I received the quote in a letter from a sweet friend. The more I live into this experience (or rather life in general)… the more I let love… The more I come to know this truth: to love is to be vulnerable. Just as much as I’m learning to love, I’m learning to be vulnerable. My understanding of vulnerability is changing. I think at one point I thought that being vulnerable means pouring out all my thoughts and feelings. At one point it meant sharing all my secrets. There was a time when being vulnerable meant allowing myself to get hurt. Vulnerability was stepping outside of my comfort zone and stepping into the space of another—perhaps even the Other if I was feeling really risky.

As mature or underdeveloped as any of these statements might be, I think there is an underlying theme. Vulnerability has to do with spaces of encounter. In an honest encounter, we have the courage and security to be vulnerable. When we are vulnerable, we create spaces of encounter: someplace where two people can meet as their authentic selves.

Now I’m wondering if more than reaching out yourself, vulnerability means allowing yourself to be touched by another being. Love isn’t just about being generous or caring or merciful. Just as we are called to love others, we are to let ourselves be loved. (This includes loving and being loved by God! Being vulnerable means allowing yourself to be touched by a divine being too.)

These past few months I’ve had some particularly special experiences here.

There was the end of my first school year; the grand visit from my mom; Christmas; new years; saying goodbye to Christie and Emily (2^nd year volunteers); mes de mission (month long service trip with the junior class); vacation time with Lauren in the other JVC community in Peru; an awesome and quick vacation with great friends from home; and now entering into my second year here with a wonderful new community!

It wasn’t the things I did or the places I went that made these past few months special. It was the people I was with. Life’s about love, y’all. So I’d like to highlight some people who’ve touched my heart and livened my spirit. Dorothy Day wrote about her friends and Catholic Worker family, so it was only a matter of time before I tried to do something similar. Here are my teachers of love and vulnerability, people who generously and whole-heartedly meet me as I am. Here are some of my role models and inspirations. They also all happen to be strong and faithful women. Who run the world? Girls.

Mom

Sharing Christmas traditions

In December MOM CAME TO TACNA! There were many tears, culture shock and a luggage mishap. However, the long-awaited meeting of the moms was a huge success. My Peruvian mom, Carla, had my United States mom on the dance floor the first night they met. I am consistently amazed by my host family’s continued generosity. We were welcomed to a beautiful Noche Buena in their home by Carla who opened the door and said, “Es jazz!” Sure enough. There was a youtube New Orleans jazz mix playing in Mom’s honor. More dancing, fireworks, Amazonian food, gifts from the USA, and unbelievably kind words welcomed baby Jesus into the world. We got to return the favor by having all the volunteers and their host families over to the TacBloc for Christmas dinner: gumbo. Mom shared the story of Our Lady of Prompt Succor. Christmas was truly a space of encounter, where we shared who we are and where we come from. Mom’s visit was pure accompaniment. She said that she wanted to simply enter my life here, and that she did! She spent time at school and baked cookies for the Christmas party. Met the neighbors. Walked all around Tacna multiple times. Mastered the bus line. Washed all my clothes—by hand. We simply enjoyed each others’ company for the week… and several RomCom movies!

We topped off the visit with a trip to Cusco! I wanted Mom to see one of the wonders of the world, Machu Pichu. She definitely put her bravery on, being high up in the Andes Mountains! This picture captures our trip; we spent a lot of time looking at some pretty impressive rocks. Mom’s favorite Spanish word is mira!

Mom and I spent our vacation looking at rocks.

La Gran Fiesta

Last year´s community: Shannon, Emily, Christie and me

Classic date night: matching sweatshirts,
snack and VHS classic

Soon after I said goodbye to Mom I also said goodbye to Emily and Christie, the two second-year JVs and my best friends this past year. These girls became real Tacñenas. Rather than a sad farewell, they decided to throw la gran fiesta for the people and place that became a part of their hearts and souls these past two years. These ladies are my inspiration. Their love and service is something real and big. They gave their all to this place and this experience, and they allowed it to become a part of them. Authentic love and vulnerability. Thank you for being my role models. Thank you for showing me how to be here and how to live this life to the fullest. Thank you for supporting me and empowering me to be my best self. Thank you for sharing each day with me here: the hopes and fears, tears and laugher, joy and pain. Thank you for the endless brownies, dance parties, date nights and prayers.

I was asked, “What are you going to do without Emily and Christie next year?”

I thought for a second and responded, “Emily and Christie helped me stand on my own two feet here. Now that I have my grounding, I can walk on my own.”

 I’ll miss you more than the VHS player.   

Mes de Misión

Some of the women who touched my heart this month. Ines has a generous spirit and contagious laughter.

This year’s month of mission brought us to Talabaya, a small town about 3,000 meters into the highlands around Tacna. 30 students, 10 group leaders, 3 classrooms, and 1 kitchen. No stores and minimal medical services and transport. Almost no sunlight. As you may have seen in the news, this rainy season in Peru has been disastrous. We made it up to the mountains before the floods and mudslides, but it rained (and often hailed) every single day of the month. Despite the rain, I was again moved by this month of service. The town was incredibly hospitable to us, welcoming us into their homes and teaching us to work alongside them in their fields. In this month we all strip ourselves down: minimal possessions and contact with home, even less personal space and time. In this way, we all lean on each other... teachers and students, pobladores y misioneros. We create something beautiful: Christian community. I was touched by how the townspeople and my students welcomed me into their lives. I was grateful to welcome them into mine, to know them and love them.

My group from this year´s service trip. This is the month when my students become my kids.

Lauren

As much as I love mes de misión and my students, I was looking forward to a month of summer vacation in February! I visited our other JVC community in Andahuaylillas, a small town near Cusco. For my second trip to the Sacred Valley, I was excited to enter this space from a JV’s point of view rather than a tourist. Most of all, I was excited to visit my good friend, Lauren. While I was at Lauren’s soccer game, one of the women asked me who I was. I explained that I was a volunteer like Lauren, and I was there to visit her. She replied, “You two must be good friends.”

Over and over again I give thanks to God for blessing me with such a wonderful friend to share this experience with. This strong, faithful woman consistently inspires me, supports me, prays with me, and adventures with me! Thank you, Lauren, for welcoming me into Anda and sharing your life here with me. Thank you for walking with me throughout our journey. 

 Molly, Molly and Lizzy

They will undoubtedly make fun of me for choosing this picture, but I love it. 

The best part of the trip was actually
the king cake. 

The woman at the soccer game in Anda was the first but not the last person to tell me that I must have good friends. Each time I tell someone here that I had a visit from friends from the USA, they also respond, Wow, tienes buenas amigas. It is true. I have the most loving, dedicated, big-dreaming, adventurous friends. I was so touched that these ladies came all the way to Peru just to see me… and a beautiful beach sunset, mountain town, carnival parade, glaciers and cows. Friendship really is a powerful force of love. I felt so much comfort, love and gratitude in our days together. I enjoyed simply being together in the beauty of God’s creation. I also enjoyed sharing this culture I have come to know and love with people I truly care about. More than anything, I felt  gratitude. Thank you for loving me and accompanying me, wherever life takes us. 

The quick photo from the top of our gloriously exhausting hike. Not pictured: the hail falling on us.

Daleska

This past month my Peruvian sister, Daleska, invited me to dance with her and her dance group in Tacna’s carnival parade.

Dancing in a carinival parade

Want to talk about love?

How about putting up with the embarrassment of a large, white girl dancing a traditional, Peruvian dance?

Want to talk about vulnerability?

How about presenting a dance in public for the first time… in front of the whole city while being sprayed by silly string and water guns.

The group chose an “easy” dance, cholones, which is a traditional dance from the Amazon rain forest. It involves a lot of jumping, hip movement and some pretty bold costumes. I was terrified. But Daleska and her entire group encouraged me every misstep of the way! My sister has been one of my biggest sources of accompaniment and encouragement since I arrived at their house over a year ago for my host stay. She is my #1 here in Tacna. I am forever grateful to her for her patience and positivity. I admire her honesty and strength. Gracias, Hermana por la manera que compartes tu vida conmigo—siempre! Gracias por ser una gran persona.   

These past few months were filled with love, vulnerability and accompaniment. I’m entering into the new school year feeling the sadness of saying goodbye to such treasured friends and family. I also carry the hope and joy of starting my second year teaching. I have the comfort and support of a beautiful new community. More and more, I’m coming to know the love of Tacna, Peru.   

“It seems like blessings keep falling in my lap.¨
 –Chance the Rapper